


When I Am Not Myself

by imaginethat_peepshow



Category: Bleach
Genre: Bathtub Sex, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Oral Sex, References to We Do Knot Always Love You, Secret Relationship, Threesome, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-09-01 04:47:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16758223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginethat_peepshow/pseuds/imaginethat_peepshow
Summary: After Hisana's death, Byakuya truly intended to never take another wife, or even another lover. But when he finds himself less recovered than he thought in the aftermath of the Fullbringer battle, he reaches for comfort in an unlikely place, and is surprised to find precisely the kind of companion he needs.





	1. The Ecstasy of the Moment Between Life and Death

Byakuya Kuchiki may have appeared composed when he walked off the Fullbringer battlefield, he may even have felt it. But when the cacophony of fighting faded into the dull roar of talking and medical attention and finally to the stillness of the Seireitei in the young hours of the morning, he realized it was far from over.

At first it manifested as high pitched ringing in his ears, a side-effect he wrote off as due to the harsh transition from the general noise to the silence of the Kuchiki estate. Then there was a subtle dizziness high in his head, which he attributed to the blood loss of battle. A few hours of rest would set everything right. Then, the nausea set it, which he could not account for. As the spinning crept down his face to rest behind his eyes, it stole his balance and most of his eyesight. Thankfully, he made it as far as his private garden, where he could his find his blind way on to the patio and into his suite.

Tripping over the threshold, he collapsed. Managing to sit upright against the wall, he took deep breaths, hoping to clear the cloud. Free of distractions, thoughts of his fight with Tsukishima invaded en force. Remnants of the ecstatic feeling still stuck to his lungs. He’d never fought like that, never thought it possible. The jarring panic, the rush of ingenuity, the… _the ecstasy of the moment between life and death_. He’d never felt such a high.

Now it felt more like a sickness, stirring his insides and clouding his head beyond recognition. A sheen of sweat broke over his skin. It felt like diving into icy water, his skin had grown so sensitive. Then the trembling started, small in is lungs and fingers. He wondered distantly if one could die from such a crash.

The main door to his suite slid open. Across the room he heard a small gasp from the servant there. The urgent padding of their feet across the floor felt to Byakuya like the whole room was shaking.

“My Lord Byakuya, are you alright?” She fought to keep her voice a whisper. Her hands were hot against his arm and brow. It can only be her skin. He told himself, disoriented by the softness of her touch. The smell of her skin sent his heart racing despite himself. It chased away the nausea, replacing it with a steadiness suiting the earthy fragrance. “You need a doctor.” She said with conviction, turning to stand. The small movement left a vacuum of air that stole his breath.

“No.” He managed to catch her wrist with more strength than he knew he had.

“What do you need?” Her face was close again, though he still couldn’t see her clearly. Byakuya remembered distantly the talk of lower men and the wonders a woman can do after a battle. Somehow, in the company of these foreign sensations, it made sense.

“You.” He breathed.

He pulled her to the floor beside him and laid his body over hers. The pressure of her curves beneath him stilled the shaking in his lungs. With his mouth molded roughly to hers, he felt he could breathe again. His injured arm, still clutching her wrist, he moved above her head. The threads of her hair spread out on the floor set his fingertips afire. His other hand searched the curves of her hips and breasts for purchase on her obi. A sharp tug set it free, the simple kimono falling open between them. He could feel her heart now, slamming against his chest like a drum. His palm and fingers drank the sensation of her bare skin, sending sparks through his whole body as if she were made of nothing but electricity. Following a trail from her breast down her sides to her hips, his fingers gripped the flesh of her thigh and pulled it high to his hip. He shifted his pelvis until his hardened erection pushed into her shallow fold through his pants.

Burying his face in the crook of her neck, he ground his hips into hers. Small, hitching breaths escaped her lips. To his ears they were gales of wind ripping through him until they converged in a knot low in his gut. He shifted, tugging at the knot in his belt. The air was like ice, but her skin was like fire. He buried himself deep into the heat of her body. The sensation of the hot, wet, walls around his member sent a groan tumbling from his lips. His breath stirred the delicate hairs on her neck, which kissed at his face in turn. He rolled his hips, pushing in deep and pulling out in the best rhythm he could manage. The soft sounds it drew from her mouth gave him strength to thrust harder.

Their labored breathing, the soft beating of their skin together, and his own rushing blood swirled in his ears louder than any battlefield. The tension in his gut drew lower and tighter. He ran the fingers of his uninjured hand through the silken mass of her hair. Her legs drew higher and tighter around his hips, allowing him deeper still inside her. All at once the ringing in his ears swelled until it deafened him completely, and the coil in his core released, spilling heavily inside her. When the twitching of his muscles ceased and hearing returned to his ears, finally, Byakuya was still.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [I promise this turns into a really emotionally healthy relationship where they help each other cope with emotional shit, it just took something dramatic to get Byakuya started.]


	2. Selfish Sentimentality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byakuya and Sakiko confront the awkwardness caused by their first encounter and must decide how to proceed.

Sakiko was more dedicated to her duties that morning than she had ever been. The beds were never so well made, the floors never so clean, the morning meals never prepared with such care. Work meant distractions. Distractions silenced the racing thoughts in her head.

 _Just forget about it._ She told herself, scrubbing again at an already pristine bowl. _Whatever that was… it never happened before and it’ll never happen again… probably._ She shut the cupboard with a snap, closing the thought inside.

“Sakiko~” Masako sidled up beside her at the sink, the woman’s plump hips nearly knocking her over.

“G-good morning ma’am.” She smiled nervously, maintaining formality even when her Head of Staff did not.

“Not causing trouble already today, are you?” She cooed.

“I-I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.” Sakiko groped on the counter for more dishes to clean, only to find she’d finished them all.

“Well. Lord Byakuya has asked for you himself. I hope you’re not looking to swipe my job.” Masako teased.

“N-no of course not!” She tried to mask her relief. That relief turned rapidly to dread as she left the kitchen. Trading the frying pan of Masako’s teasing for the fire of Byakuya’s summons nearly made her sweat. The racing thoughts returned. If they were common people, this would be at worst an embarrassing, confusing hiccup in daily life, forgotten with the next wave of gossip. But he was head of a noble clan… worse he was the proudest and most noble of all the lords in the Soul Society. She was a servant. Not as low as they come, but far too low for Byakuya Kuchiki to stoop.

Her fate, she realized, was entirely in his hands. If he so chose, she could be demoted, transferred, fired outright, or even worse. Whatever his decision, she had no recourse. Who would believe her? “ _I was fired for fucking Lord Byakuya_.” It sounded like a joke even in her head. “ _No really, he came on to me._ ” She shook her head. Yesterday it seemed so absurd.

“I should have never traded shifts.” She said out loud, coming to a stop outside Byakuya’s chamber doors.

* * *

Byakuya felt nauseous. This time, he knew the source without doubt. He would probably feel sick forever at the memory of his actions. The servant girl, Sakiko, answered his summons at last with a faint knock at the door.

“Come in.” He bade her; thankful his voice didn’t betray him. She slid open the panel, bowed formally, and closed it again behind her. Her eyes never left the floor as she crossed the room to sit across from him. Byakuya struggled for a long moment to find his words. In that pause, she looked up at him. Her eyes were full of all the fear and confusion he was not prepared for. “We need to speak candidly about the… incident this morning.” He began at last. “I owe you an apology. My behavior was unacceptable for any man of any rank, myself least of all… and I have no excuses. I sincerely hope I didn’t hurt you.”

“No, my Lord, I-” The confusion on her face deepened, but the fear faded.

“I was not myself, but I am still responsible for my actions no matter the circumstances. Of course, it is preferable to me that we find an arrangement that avoids any embarrassment for-”

“My Lord-” She interrupted him. He couldn’t hide the surprise on his face. She bit her lip, taking a moment to ensure her thoughts were well in order. “It is as you said. You were not yourself. Even if I spoke to anyone about this morning, it would not be my Lord Byakuya I was talking of… You don’t need to buy my silence.”

He was so stunned by her speech that he couldn’t stop his lips from falling open. It wasn’t hard to describe the family’s servants as “loyal.” Over the years some had even given their lives in defense and service of the Kuchiki clan. But this… this was more than he could have expected. Especially after calculating exactly how much he could afford to pay for her silence.

“How is it you can forgive me for such a thing?” He asked in wonder. Sakiko stared at the floor, looking almost ashamed.

“Even then I knew… you would have stopped had I asked.” She raised her eyes, but kept her head down. Byakuya wasn’t sure how she could know such a thing when he himself wasn’t sure. “But I was too selfish to ask.”

“Well.” Byakuya cleared his throat. “If you are in acceptance of my apology, then I suppose we are finished here.”

“Yes, my Lord.” Sakiko bowed and stood. She was almost to the door when he stopped her.

“For the sake of my conscience, I must know.” He clenched his teeth. “Have you a husband whom I should also apologize to?” She grimaced slightly, not looking back.

“I have no one.” Her hand went to slide the panel.

“Then, Sakiko…” He grimaced as well, his eyes fixed on the desk. “May I call on you again if… if I am not myself?” She paused, then pushed the door open.

“I am at your service, my Lord Byakuya.” With that she bowed, shut the door, and was gone.

* * *

It was a long time before he called on her again. Long enough that she started to believe he never would. And why would he? Only once in over two hundred years had Byakuya Kuchiki forgotten himself in such a way. It only made sense to believe it would be another two hundred. Of course, it wasn’t nearly that long. But it was long enough for Sakiko’s life to feel as it did before, and almost long enough to forget it completely. As long as she wasn’t alone with Lord Byakuya, that is.

One morning, she happened to be alone with him in his suite. Serving his breakfast in silence, she almost didn’t think of their agreement at all.

“Sakiko…” He addressed her quietly from his seat on the patio.

“Yes, My Lord Byakuya?” She responded formally. “Bring my tea this evening, if you would. I fear I’m not myself today.” He didn’t look at her, merely turned his head to profile. He seemed perfectly normal to her.

“As you wish, my Lord.” She replied calmly.

Once out in the hallway, she was far from calm. Her face burned, and she knew it was as red as the enamel serving tray in her hands. Must. Avoid. Masako. If the Head of Staff saw her, it would be all over. Somehow, the gossipy old woman would discern the truth from her face. Or she would invent something worse, if such a thing existed. Walking to the kitchen was harrowing, every sound of voices or movement made her jump. Finally there, she splashed cold water from the sink on her face, hoping to chase away the blush.

“Ok, Sakiko.” Her wits returned with a deep breath. She needed to plan carefully so not to be conspicuous. But not too carefully, or it would be conspicuous. She also had to take care not to think about her plans too much, lest she appear conspicuously distracted. “Why couldn’t he just kill me?” She whined.

After dinner, the estate grew quiet and calm. Sakiko’s plans came together and she arrived outside Byakuya’s room, stressed and internally screaming. She did her best to give an air of nonchalance when she entered.

Byakuya was sitting at his desk again, writing intently. He didn’t even look up when she came in. She placed the tea tray down beside him and poured a cup. An awkward pause followed. Normally this was when she left.

“Sit down.” He gestured to the futon across the room. “Make yourself comfortable.” She didn’t trust herself to speak, so she clumsily half-bowed and did as he said. The sprawling mattress was ungainly thick and fluffy, flooded with pillows and silks. She sat in the middle, unsure of how to pose herself. Was she meant to be furniture, seated neatly with her hands folded? Or was she art, lounging enticingly across the bed? She looked to Byakuya, hoping to find some hint. He was still engrossed in his writing, apparently oblivious to her presence. The only light in the room was the small lamp on Byakuya’s desk. As the long minutes dragged on, Sakiko found herself tired. After such a long day, and now sitting in such a comfortable place… she dared lay down in Byakuya’s bed like she belonged there.

She didn’t lay there long at all before she heard him move, rising from the desk. He crossed the room, changed quietly into a sleeping robe, and lay down beside her. One arm curled around her, holding her close like she really did belong. She felt his body warm and firm on her back. The hard lines of his muscles made her acutely aware of her own curves. _I see now._ She thought as he placed gentle kisses on the back of her neck. He isn’t himself after all. _My Lord Byakuya isn’t usually so sentimental… He must miss Lady Hisana terribly._ His kisses trailed from her neck to her shoulder, sliding her kimono away as he went. His hand crept up from her stomach to her breast, pushing his palm against her through the fabric. She couldn’t help pushing her head back against his shoulder, curving her spine to press herself harder into his grasp. In turn, her backside rubbed against his hips. He raked his hand down her body, gripping her hip to pull her closer. Then he ran it right back up to massage her soft flesh. Again and again he traversed her curves with breathy urgency. With nothing but these tender kisses and sensual touches he had her whole body absolutely buzzing.

Finally, when she felt as if she would unravel in his arms, he reached for her obi. The cool air on her exposed skin sent her shivering. Byakuya’s fingers brushed her arms, followed close by his lips as he pulled her kimono down. His hands ran over her bare skin now as they had before. Again and again he scoured the naked expanse of her body. Now she felt all the more clearly the stirring against her backside. He pinched at her stiff nipples and played with the folds of her entrance until she was panting in need.

“Lord Byakuya… please.” She whimpered.

“Sakiko…” He breathed in her ear. “Like this… I’m only Byakuya… please.”

“Byakuya…” She repeated, shuddering as he untied his robe and pressed his bare body against hers. He let her roll to her back, shifting on top of her while barely pulling away. They could barely manage a respectable kiss through their labored breathing. Once last time, he ran his hands down her curves, over her hips, and down her legs. Gently, he lifted her knees around his hips.

“Are you sure?” He separated their lips only enough to ask, she could still taste his breath.

“Yes.” She whispered. Their eyes met, and he held her gaze while he lined his hips up to hers. She felt him against her, hot and hard on her most sensitive skin. With one slow movement, he pushed inside her. His eyes flickered, but didn’t stray from hers. She felt every inch fill her up until he was buried to the hilt. He kissed her again with shaky fervor and braced his weight on his elbows to either side of her face. At last it was her turn to touch him. Her fingers found his shoulders, tracing down his muscled back.

Then, he began. The slow, deliberate pace was the best sort of agony. Every stroke was as measured as the first. He pulled out almost completely and pushed in as deep as he could reach. She drank the sensations of her hands on his skin, of his mouth molded to hers, his weight upon her, his member inside her, and the weakness spreading through her legs.

After what seemed an eternity, he broke the kiss. His head fell to the mattress beside hers. Every hitched breath whirled in her ear. She turned her head to inflict the same sensation on him. She felt a hard thrust, heard a dull smack. Byakuya paused, drawing a deep, ragged breath. She drew her legs higher around his hips, encouraging him to continue. He set into her faster now, harder. Her arms tightened around him, holding his chest close to hers. The friction only agitated him further. His thrusts grew steadily more urgent, his breathing peppered with small choked moans. She struggled to keep her own sounds quiet, knowing exactly how thin the walls were.

He ran one hand through her hair, holding her head closer against his. His breathing grew louder in her ear, though not loud enough to drown the rhythmic pounding of his hips against hers. His other hand reached for her thigh, holding it high and tight against his side. The new angle sent a jolt through her core.

“Byakuya…” His name tumbled from her mouth before she could stop it.

“Sakiko…” His voice was strained, broken, her name forced through his teeth. She felt him grow harder still inside her. His measured drives unraveled, leaving him desperately plunging into her core in shorter and shorter beats. His hands tightened around her hair and flesh.

He let out a long groan, followed by uneven twitching thrusts that seemed to go on and on. Eventually they slowed, steadied, and came to a stop. Their labored breathing was the only sound for a long minute. Byakuya sat up and reached for something beside the bed. He drew back a soft cloth and carefully cleaned the fluids dripping from between her legs. He then wiped himself off and laid on his back beside her.

“You can go.” He said quietly. Sakiko sat up and felt around for her kimono. “Or you can stay.” She froze. “The choice is yours.” She stared at Byakuya, but he looked only at the ceiling. Slowly, carefully, she positioned herself beside him. With her head on his chest, she could hear his still heavy heartbeat. His arm wrapped around her, and his hand found hers across his chest. And for one night, to her dismay, Sakiko slept in Lord Byakuya’s bed as if she belonged there.


	3. Frustrated Fantasy (feat. Renji)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakiko's mind wanders at work and she ends up in a detailed fantasy about Byakuya and his Lieutenant, who she has never met.

Byakuya was still deep asleep when Sakiko got up. She untangled herself from his embrace with care, but he didn’t stir. Going about her morning duties was a haze of reflection and a little frustration.

The dull ache between her legs hadn’t abated during the night, and it didn’t fade through the morning. Her Lord-turned-lover managed to wind her to the brink of release, only to stop short. It was the same as their first time together, even if nothing else was. Surely he wasn’t doing it on purpose, he probably wasn’t aware.

The distraction was more of a hindrance than she could have thought possible. The physical discomfort she could handle, but the mental disruption was debilitative. Every quiet moment left alone with her thoughts was a rabbit hole of uninvited images. At one point it was so bad she wondered how Byakuya would react if she tried to use their arrangement in reverse. She could imagine the incredulous look on his face if she were to barge into his quarters and demand he finish what he started.

“I should consider myself lucky.” She sighed, filling the kitchen sink with hot water. Being enlisted in the services of a high lord as she was, it could be much worse than being left unsatisfied. As she scrubbed and dried the dishes, her mind explored each of the ways it could be worse. At the very least a high lord could have been expected to be rough in bed, even violent. The opposite of Byakuya’s measured intercourse, or daresay lovemaking. She imagined him slapping her ass he took her from behind, or choking her as he held her down, leaving bruises. Her face flushed, but her mind dismissed the unwelcome fantasy.

Some men, she knew, got their pleasure from degrading their partners. Her imagination wasn’t equipped to generate the kinds of filthy things that might be said and done. Hell, she was fortunate for the infrequency at which he called on her. She’d heard talk of men preferring to go multiple times in a single day. And then there were the voyeurs- She dropped a bowl with a loud clank, bringing her back to herself. What a silly thought. It took Byakuya decades to take anyone into his bed, he’d never invite a third to watch or do anything else. … Would he? Who? Certainly none of the staff. She didn’t know much about his relationships outside the manor. The only person she ever saw in his company was his lieutenant. The red-headed and tattooed officer looked like someone up for anything. What was his name? Abarai? That was it, Renji Abarai…

* * *

“So this is the girl, huh?” Renji tilted her chin with one finger. Her whole body was rigid with nerves and excitement. “She’s pretty cute. You’re sure you want to share?” He gave Byakuya a look. With her back to him, she got no sense of his response except his words.

“It seems I am at a growing deficit in her pleasure.” He said. “It is my hope that your additions will help make up the difference… If she is in agreement.”

“I suppose it comes down to you.” Renji’s dark, hooded eyes met hers.

“Lieutenant Abarai, I-” She tried.

“Sakiko, what have I told you?” Byakuya was at her back, his chest against her. “Such formality is sure to be distracting.”

“I’m sorry… Renji.” She would have bowed her head if not for his gentle hold on her face. “I’m at your service as much as Byakuya’s.”

“Amazing.” His smile was pained. “Her mouth moves but your voice comes out.” He looked to Byakuya again. “You put on a brave face, but I can tell you’re terrified.” And why shouldn’t she be? They were each taller than her by a head, broad and muscled and powerful. Laying down with either one of them would be intimidating to any woman, yet here she was with both.

“Give her time.” Byakuya gathered her hair and repositioned it away from her neck. “You’ll see why I use her.” His hands brushed over the swell of her breasts, feeling down to her belt. Rather than untie it, he drew the fold open, exposing her chest to the room’s chill air and Renji’s hot stare. Her arms were trapped under Byakuya’s as Renji leaned in for a heavy kiss. She felt Byakuya’s lips trail from her ear down her neck. Renji’s moved down too, lower and lower until his face was buried in the valley of her chest. She jumped when his fingers pinched her nipples without warning.

“Relax.” Byakuya commanded softly. She tried. Tried to focus on enjoying the sensation of his breath on her neck, of the tightening pressure on her nipples, and the warmth of Renji’s mouth as it surrounded one. Anxious flips afflicted her core, triggered by the workings of his tongue. Her hands found purchase on Byakuya’s legs, gripping the flesh at the sides through fabric. Renji alternated his attentions on her breasts until she was shaking, burning with need.

“Can you hold her up?” He sank to his knees, sliding his hands up her legs. She could have forgotten they were attached if not for his touch.

“I’ll assume that question to be rhetorical.” Byakuya scoffed. In an instant she was lifted from her feet. Renji relieved her of her underwear and pulled the lower folds of her kimono up around her hips. It was Byakuya’s broad hands holding her up, cupped under her thighs. Leaning heavily back into his chest was the only way to stop from toppling forward onto Renji’s head.

Renji maneuvered her knees over his shoulders, offering at least some support. She wasn’t prepared for how close it put him to her entrance. He didn’t give her time to adjust. Without hesitating, he slipped his tongue into her fold. Her involuntary squirming only served to buck her hips closer. Watching his tongue disappear inside her brought fast heat across her collarbones and up her face, not to mention radiating from her open legs. Byakuya nuzzled her cheek, forcing the turn of her head. He laid a heated kiss on her mouth, his tongue grazing her lips. She was happy to return the gesture, tasting him like she’d never dared before. Meanwhile, Renji’s hand crept up her leg again, tickling the sensitive skin. He teased her lower lips, his mouth focusing on her clit. One long, rough finger slipped inside. He spun his digit in a motion not unlike the winding sensation building inches from his penetration. She tried not to ride into it, not to threaten her precarious balance, but it was no use. The sensations burning through her core seemed to sever her self-control.

“Oh…” She let out a moan, too loud. The thin walls wouldn’t be able to contain her cries, but she couldn’t stop. Encouraged, Renji set into her faster, harder. All her muscles contracted around his touch, his tongue. It wound tighter and tighter until she couldn’t see, couldn’t hear, couldn’t think of anything but how good they made her feel. Pleasure exploded from her core, throbbing through her body.

When she came down from her high, panting and disoriented, Byakuya deposited her on the futon. Her arms folded under her to protect her hypersensitive breasts. Her kimono was gone, but she didn’t fully remember how. Turning, she looked up at the two men towering over her. Byakuya’s stoic mask was broken around his parted lips and smoldering eyes. Renji’s smirk was gone, replaced by a hungry stare. They exchanged a loaded glance. Then, both untied their belts and shed their clothes. They lay to either side of her, stroking her hair, her back, the curve of her backside, and down to her soft thighs.

“Ready to return the favor?” Renji asked lowly, holding a lock of her hair to his lips.

“S-sure.” She started to sit up. It was Byakuya who took her by the hips, repositioning her on all fours, faced with the erect shaft of Renji’s manhood. Behind her, she felt Byakuya’s press against her entrance. He waited patiently, the head of his member warm against her threshold. Renji looked comfortable, lounging on the pillows while he gazed down the ridged line of his muscles at her. She licked her lips. Even with her fist around the base, there was still enough of him exposed for her to pleasure effectively. She started slow, trying in part to recreate his attentions on her.

The tip of her tongue followed his underside ridge from base to tip, flicking over the top. With a shaky sigh, he sank deeper into the mattress. His fingers ran through her hair in excited waves. Steady as she could, she took him into her mouth. The salty taste of precum coated her mouth as she scraped her tongue over all the surface she could reach. At last, Byakuya pushed inside. His pace was as slow as hers; it was easy sync a rhythm. As he filled her, she sank her lips lower around Renji’s member. When he pulled out, she did too. They swayed together, her tongue sliding back and forth while he moved her forward and back. She could hear them both breathing raggedly, though at different paces. Pressure started building in her gut again, made worse when Byakuya reached around to roll her clit under one finger.

“I see what you meant.” Renji said. “She’s good.”

“Just wait.” Came Byakuya’s strained response.

“You gonna let me fuck her, too?” He asked with mocking brightness.

“If she’ll have you.” Byakuya’s grip tightened, he sped up. The audible slap of their hips colliding joined the slick sounds of her mouth.

“Whaddaya say, sweetheart? Can I have a go?” He stroked her cheek with his thumb. Between the growing pleasure in her core and his pulsing manhood in her mouth, it took her a moment to respond.

“Do you want me to stop?” She blew each word against his sensitive skin. Before he could answer, her orgasm unwound. Anything he said was drowned out by her ecstatic gasping. She was lowered to the futon, on her back this time. Taking hold under her knees, Renji jerked her closer.

“When we’re done with you, you’ll be begging us not to stop.” Without warning, he plunged into her heat. His lower lip curled behind his teeth as he pounded away. Part of her wanted to look away, but her eyes dragged down his muscled, tattooed chest to the patch of red slamming against her.

“Come here.” Byakuya pulled her chin into another of his hot kisses. Pushing past her lips, his tongue entwined with hers. After guiding her hand to his member, still wet with her juices, he reached between her and Renji’s surging hips. It felt as if he employed all of his fingers in playing with her clit. As her pleasure grew, her fist tightened around his shaft. It slid welcome through her grip, drawing unrestrained groans from his throat.

“Uhnn…” Without Byakuya’s mouth to muffle her moans, they poured out. Her pitch jumped higher as he set his tongue and teeth to her nipples instead. She couldn’t take it. There was so much, they were so much. Every hypersensitive node on her body was buzzing, pulsing and tight. She came again, but they barely seemed to notice. Renji didn’t slow, Byakuya didn’t falter, they kept pushing her until she came again… and again… and again…

* * *

“Sakiko?” Masako appeared beside her. Sakiko dropped a plate into the water, splashing them both. “Are you feeling alright? Your face is all red.”

“Oh, n-no I’m fine, I’m sure it’s just the water.” Her head reeled coming down so hard from her runaway fantasy.

“The water’s gone cold, Sakiko.” Masako pointed out, hands on her hips. “You shouldn’t push yourself so much. You always work so hard. Go home, everyone will understand.”

“No, but I-” Her protests were drowned out by Masako’s insistence.


	4. Turned Tables

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byakuya tries a new strategy in an attempt to normalize their "arrangement."

It took a far smaller measure of time for Byakuya to call on her again. In fact, it was the very next time they crossed paths. Which didn’t necessarily mean it was soon either. Sure, Sakiko saw Byakuya around the manor plenty, but they were alone very infrequently.

It was late, nearly the end of her shift. Her final duties of the day were to turn down Lord Byakuya’s bed and collect the dishes from his evening meal. When she entered the room he was at his desk again, already in his sleeping robe, leaned over a letter. Despite his distraction, she bowed before crossing the threshold, per expectation. She slid the door shut and crossed to collect the serving tray from beside him.

“Sakiko?” He looked up abruptly.

“Y-yes?” She stiffened. “Sir?” The honorific was patched on the end too late to be considered polite. He didn’t seem to notice. Beneath his usual expressionless mask were signs of fatigue.

“Do you have a moment?” He asked.

“O-of course.” Her head spun.

“I meant to make time that morning, but you had to leave so early…” The disguised apology set her still more on edge. “I know our first time together was less than ideal, but I hope the second was better.”

“Yes… it was fine.” She dared not mention her resulting frustration. “If we are to continue like this… I want you to feel comfortable with me. Not so much that it becomes conspicuous or distracting, but still.” He said, his air of authority returning. “So if at any point I ask something of you that makes you uncomfortable, I want you to tell me.”

“I appreciate that, L-… Byakuya.” She caught herself. Knowing when to be informal was going to be the biggest hurdle.

“With that said…” He returned to his letter as if they’d been discussing nothing more interesting than the weather. “Sakiko… I want you to seduce me.” She froze. Turning his words over in her head did nothing to convince her of what she heard. Each word made sense individually, but coming in that order from Byakuya? Preposterous.

“… Right now?” She asked stupidly.

“As you please.” He said, still writing. She frowned, her brows knitting together.

 _Should I wait?_ She considered. _It isn’t much of a seduction if you know it’s coming… but who knows when I’ll have another chance like this?_ Unable to bear the thought of months passing with such a request weighing on her, she made up her mind.

Placing the serving tray in the hallway beside the door was a sort of unofficial do-not-disturb signal around the manor. Not that they were in danger, most of the staff was gone home for the night. Lingering by the door, she watched Byakuya writing like she wasn’t even there. Seconds ticked by slowly as she scrambled for a plan. Finally, she decided to throw caution to the wind.

She planted herself in front of his desk. He paused, lifting his eyes just enough to see her in his periphery. When she didn’t move, he lowered them again. Then, swift and unceremonious, she unwound her obi. Her kimono fell to a crumpled heap on the floor, followed quickly by her smallclothes. It was Byakuya’s turn to freeze. His eyes widened, but didn’t move from the paper. Hands on her hips she waited for him to start writing again. When he did, she placed one fingertip on the edge of the desk and paced a lap around. He stopped again, eyes following her finger, not daring to look any further up. Behind him, she slowed dramatically. The tension in his neck was almost visible. Around the other side, she touched the desk again and continued. She went on in slow, deliberate laps.

When his guard was down, her finger ran up his arm. He drew a sharp breath and sat up straight as a board. She drew a line across his shoulders and back down his writing arm to the desk. He tensed in anticipation when she came back around, but this time she didn’t touch him. His pen hovered over the paper, no longer able to write clearly. Satisfied, she placed both hands on his shoulders, “accidentally” pressing her bare breasts to his back. There was so much tension there the muscles almost crunched under her grip.

“Uhnn…” Byakuya made quiet sound, suspiciously like a moan. It was made all the more suspicious when he clapped his hand over his mouth. Sakiko blinked down at him, thankful he couldn’t see her face.

 _That good, huh?_ She rolled the heel of her hand into his shoulders, working out what stiffness she could. He let out what sounded like his first easy breath in years. His head lolled back against her chest and she caught a glimpse of his expression, eyes closed in contentment.

Her hands travelled up his neck, massaging all the way up to the hollow below his ears. One hand stroked down his throat, sliding between the folds of his kimono to the smooth, flat, muscles of his chest. She kissed his temple, reaching lower and opening the front down to the belt. Below it was the distinctive rise of his arousal. She boldly traced the lines of his exposed muscles, watching the silk twitch and swell. He made no protest until she pulled away.

A quick tug and the chair came away from the desk. Sakiko positioned herself between his legs and laid an open mouthed, breathy kiss on his lips, which he readily returned. They twisted left and right, trading uncertain flicks with their tongues. He didn’t seem to notice her untie his belt. He was naked beneath, and certainly noticed her hand on his shaft, inhaling sharply behind their kiss. A few gentle strokes found him more than ready. She lowered her kisses to his jaw, his neck, his collar, his chest, his abs, his hips…

“Sakiko?” He asked cautiously. She pressed her lips to the base of his shaft, beginning a trail along his length. “Sakiko, wait.” He said more firmly when she didn’t answer. “You don’t have to-” Ignoring his hesitation, she took his hand and placed it on her head. His eyes met hers with a mixture of shock, excitement, and trepidation.

The sound he made when she took him into her mouth made her stomach flip. His hand made a fist in her hair, then relaxed. His member was hot, twitching against her tongue. Her fingers wrapped around the base, making up for what she couldn’t fit in her mouth. Running her tongue back and forth in wide arcs, she moved up and down his length in a steady rhythm. Every breath he took was strained in some way whether inhaling or exhaling. The chair creaked as he struggled not to thrust along. Creating the slightest suction behind her lips left him gasping and gripping her hair again.

“Sakiko…” He rasped. “You should… you should st…” He couldn’t bring himself to say the word “stop.” She braced her hands on his thighs so she could move faster and she added a heavy flick of her tongue to the end of each stroke. His muscles seized under her hands. “You don’t have to… I’m going to…” He bit down on his lip after that to stifle his rising volume. His head rolled back, eyes cinched shut, every muscle in his body tight down to his curling toes. Suddenly the taste of salt filled her mouth in a hot wave. Only then did he allow himself anything resembling a thrust into her mouth. Cupping her head with both hands he slowed her nodding until she was still.

Carefully releasing his hypersensitive flesh, she pulled away. Before she could do anything else, Byakuya descended on her, wiping her mouth with the sleeve of his robe. He helped her to her feet, the look of wonder and confusion still lingering on his face.

“I know it isn’t what you expected, but… was that satisfactory?” She asked with a silent “my lord” at the end. Lifting her chin with one hand, he placed a careful kiss on her lips.

“Certainly not.” His expression hardened. “Sit.” He gestured to the desk.

“Huh?” She faltered. Impatiently, he lifted her under the thighs until she sat on the polished surface. “B-Byakuya?” Reaching past her, he cleared away any obstructions. With one hand he pushed her down until her back was flat on the wood. Her head dangled off the end, her legs off the other. The new perspective made her feel exposed, more vulnerable than ever before. The scrape of the chair coming closer made her jump. “Byakuya, wait.” Her face reddened and burned as he sat and lifted her knees to his shoulders. “You don’t have to-”

“I’m afraid I’m unfamiliar with this practice.” He admitted, guiding her hand to his head. “You’ll have to tell me what you need.” There was a dark glint in his eyes as he leaned closer to her entrance.

“Hmm…” She couldn’t watch. She felt his breath, his tongue part the very top of her slit and slide slowly downwards. He explored her contours to the limit, testing how deep he could reach, what made her shudder, what made her whimper, what made her moan. His tongue reached further inside her than she would have thought possible, pumping in and out with deliberate slowness. All the while her hand flexed around a fistful of his silken hair. “You can… use your fingers too…” She said before vicing her teeth around her lower lip.

Not wanting to waste her advice, he traded his tongue for two long fingers. The exploratory attentions of his mouth narrowed to her clit. Sharp jolts of pleasure tightened her muscles all the way up to her shoulders. Blood rushed to her head, swirling in her ears when she gave up trying to support it. Byakuya’s lips closed around the sensitive nub at her crux, his tongue moving in ever intensifying circles.

“Hahhh…!” Her lip broke free of her teeth in a desperate cry. Curling, his fingers found the most sensitive spot inside her as well. “Ohh…” Her pounding heart further clouded her head until everything spun. Dizzy, tight, tingling, she felt crumpled into a ball, and stretched to her limit at the same time. “Hmmm…!” Her heels rose up his back with her curling knees. “Hahhh-!” Pleasure constricted her throat until no more sound came. All the tension unraveled into heavy pulses deep in her core. They dissipated slowly, leaving her a mess of heavy breathing and trembling muscles. With some effort, she raised her head. Byakuya stared at her in wonder.

“Wh-what?” She averted her eyes, face flushing all over again.

“That was beautiful.” He said with a note of surprise.

“Stop.” She covered her face. Relieving his shoulders of her legs with care, he helped her to a proper seated position.

“Is that the first time you’ve… I mean, with me…” He looked up at her from his chair.

“Well… yes.” She admitted, fidgeting. “But you didn’t have to do that.”

“No…” His eyes fell to where his thumbs stroked her thighs absently. “But I hope to do more for you in the future.” She tried to smile. “Will you stay with me tonight, Sakiko?”

“… Yes."


	5. Truth, Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byakuya and Sakiko have an amazing night... and a strange morning.

Cupping her under the thighs again, Byakuya lifted her from the desk. Locking her eyes to his gaze and her legs around his waist, she allowed him to carry her to the bed. Something burned beyond his irises, commanding and consuming. Even as he laid her down, his eyes never wavered. Not until his weight settled over her and he swept her into a heavy kiss. There was an urgency behind his lips she hadn’t felt since their first time together. So deep was their kiss that every other twist saw them gasping for air. Now, at last, his years of self-denial came back with a vengeance. He didn’t just want contact, or comfort, or release. He needed her. Not just a warm body, her.

 _This is dangerous…_ Sakiko thought distantly. But his tongue swiped across her lip and chased caution away. His hands ran through her hair, loosing the tie that held it, over what skin he could reach when their bodies pressed so close together. The contact fanned the lingering embers left from her first release. Her pulse pounded in her neck, her chest, her gut, and most of all between her legs. His robe hung loose on his frame, the silk like ice on her burning skin.

In their reckless quest for friction, his member touched her entrance with such startling ease they were confronted with just how primitively natural this act was. There was no need to hesitate, not when they were both so explicitly overwrought. Byakuya entered her with a stroke so fluid it felt as if he never started, only continued. Still grateful and wet, her body welcomed the breach. Her nerves roared to life, washing her in pleasure as if they’d been going for hours. Still hypersensitive from her seduction, the smallest movement drew ragged breaths from his lungs. And his movements were not small.

A new level of intensity came through in his thrusts. Desperate, but lucid. He didn’t just want to feel her, he wanted her to feel him. And she did. Oh, she did. She was so thankful for his lips and his tongue to stifle the moans that would otherwise wake the whole manor. So thankful for the thick futon and the soft tatami mats to dull sound of their bodies. But so, so thankful for the quiet estate that allowed her to hear every strained little noise he made.

“You’re so good to me…” He breathed in her ear. “This time I want to do what you like.”

“I like what you do…” She promised, as if her clinging to him wasn’t evidence enough.

“I want to do more.” He said with more force, kissing her neck, tasting her skin.

“Byakuya…” She whined. _Why…? This was all supposed to be about you._

“Tell me…” It was a command and a plea at the same time.

“Let me…” Somehow, saying it out loud made her blush even while he was inside her. “Let me ride you.” Now she cursed the silence that allowed him to hear her clearly.

“As you wish.” He ceded with no sign of reluctance. He didn’t even pull out when he rolled, pulling her on top of him.

“Hmm…!” She bit her lip as gravity allowed him deeper still. Her hands fell to the firm planes of his chest, and her hips moved with the same abandon he showed.

“Ahh…” His eyes fluttered shut, hands kneading the flesh of her thighs. Sakiko could barely keep her eyes open either. It was dizzying enough to know it was real, that it was Lord Byakuya’s chest heaving under her palms, that Lord Byakuya’s hips were bucking under her weight, that Lord Byakuya’s shaft was reaching so deep, filling her until it stretched, and worse still that she was in control of all the pleasure surging through her body. To watch his face contort into expressions of ecstasy so foreign to his stoic mask was too much. It was almost enough.

“Here…” She guided his hand to the crux of where their bodies met, to the knot of nerves still singing from his attentions on the desk. “Touch me here…” His thumb caressed careful circles at her direction, each pass a tooth in the gear winding her tighter. “Oh…”

“You’re so… beautiful.” Byakuya sighed.

“S-stop.” She turned away, trying in vain to hide her face in the curtain of her hair.

“It’s true.” He insisted, his free hand drifting up her stomach, smoothing the tender skin below her breasts. “I never saw… because I wasn’t looking. But now…”

“Ahhnn…!” She threw her head back, cinching her eyes shut and sucking her lip between her teeth.

“Sakiko…” Her name escaped his lips in a tense note that seemed to vibrate through her whole frame. It was too much.

“Byakuya…!” The pleasure brimming in her core flowed over, rushing through her veins. It came in waves, rocking her muscles and rattling her senses until she had no control at all. Byakuya held tight to her thighs through the frenzy, intent on feeling every last second of her release roll over his length.

“So… beautiful…” He repeated. When she could finally pry her eyes open, she found him gazing at her with an expression that said the same thing ten times over. “That face…” He sat up, barely able to breathe around his urgency. His continued grip on her thighs holding her in his lap, holding his member inside her. “One more time.” This time he was begging, there was no doubt. The way his hips rocked into hers had nothing to do with his impending release, not with his thumb returning so eagerly to her clit. It was only to encourage her to take up her riding motion again. “Let me see it one more time.”

* * *

Force of habit jolted Sakiko awake in the morning. Light streamed through the tall windows of Byakuya’s suite, and bird songs drifted in from his private garden.

 _This is bad._ Panic made her clumsy as she tried to detangle herself from his arms. _Shit! I am so screwed!_ Realizing she wasn’t scheduled to be on duty that day did nothing to calm her. Rather it did the opposite. Another servant would be making the breakfast rounds, meaning they could be discovered at any moment. _I need to leave. I need to get out of here fast._ Her first instinct was to pull on her kimono and bolt. God, but if someone sees me like this… She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. _I might as well carry a sign._ She scrambled over to the vanity, swiped up a comb and jerked it through her hair. At least if she looked presentable she could lie about covering someone else’s shift.

“Let me.” Byakuya came up behind her. One touch from his hand and she was still as stone, all the panic evaporated. He relieved her of the comb and set to taming her locks in gentle strokes.

“Thank you…” She folded her hands in her lap and stared at them to avoid catching the eye of his reflection. Lord Byakuya was himself again, the composed man behind her wasn’t the same as the man she bedded the night before.

“Not at all. I used to do this all the time for…” He went quiet for an uncomfortably long time.

“Never mind.” The silence that followed was suffocating.

 _Maybe he isn’t himself after all…_ She chewed the inside of her cheek, debating the potential damage of her comment. Anything was better than this sudden thick gloom. “You can talk about her, you know…” She said gently. “I don’t have any delusions about replacing her.” When he stopped moving she had no choice but to seek out his gaze in the mirror. The look of wonder and confusion melted slowly.

“This was never about replacing her.” He combed her hair more slowly, using more focus than was necessary. “In fact, that’s why I waited so long before calling on you again. I… I wanted to be sure I didn’t want you because you reminded me of her.”

“Do I? Remind you of her?” She asked, unbelieving. He frowned, disguising it as frustration with a troublesome section of her hair.

“It’s true that you share many of the traits I most admired about Hisana.” He explained. “You’re warm, kind, nigh selfless, tenacious… But I do not enjoy your company _because_ you remind me of her. When I’m with you… I do not pretend I’m with her.”

“I see…” A stubborn knot of anxiety unwound from her chest. _I wanted to believe my doing this would be good for Lord Byakuya… The last thing I wanted was to become an unhealthy coping mechanism._ Knowing at last that she was doing more than masking old pain brought a smile to her face. “But after all this time… why me?” There was another long pause before he answered, long enough that she feared he might not answer at all.

“There is one trait you possess that I have not seen in any woman since I lost Hisana.” His fingertips brushed the side of her face. “A trait that was revealed while I was making up my own mind.” He swept her hair up and tied it high on her head. “I can trust you.” Sakiko was confronted with the look of surprise in her reflection. “All that time and you never breathed a word to anyone.”

“It wasn’t just your reputation at risk.” She reminded him.

“I suppose that’s true.” Finished with their task, his hands fell to her shoulders. “Sometimes I forget just how much we have in common.” The weighted edge to his words drew a fresh wave of panic up from her gut.

_He knows._


	6. Subtlety, Nobility, and Green Tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakiko's backstory is revealed. Later there is a colossal misunderstanding.

“There’s no need to look so frightened.” Byakuya said, turning away from the vanity. “You’ve done nothing wrong.”

“But how…” Sakiko watched his reflection move across the mirror only to turn her body when he moved from her view. “How do you know?” _It isn’t really a ‘secret’… but still…_

“If there is one thing my clan excels at, it is keeping records.” He explained as he opened the wardrobe and retrieved his clothes for the day. “After we spoke that first time I looked over your employee file.”

“Right…” She sighed.

“I saw the record adjustment when you changed your last name… and when you changed it back… I was surprised to see you came back to work before the end of your leave.” He went about changing as if she weren’t there.

“I needed to do something other than think of him…” She averted her eyes to her hands still folded in her lap.

“Hmm… Count one more thing we have in common.” Byakuya mused.

“It gets worse.” She shook her head. “It seems so silly now to have been so nervous about you finding out.”

“What do you mean?”

“When you looked at my file… did you notice?” She could feel his eyes on her, but didn’t dare look up. “He died the same year as Lady Hisana…” Terrified of the silence that would fall, she kept talking past her reflex to stop. “Watching you mourn her was like watching my own life on a three month delay…”

“I did notice.” He admitted. She nearly jumped from shock when he suddenly sat down beside her. “Perhaps that’s why you seem to understand me better than most people in this house…” Sakiko was frozen, staring in wonder as he reached for the comb.

“L-let me.” She snapped back to herself, springing to her knees. Styling the kenseikan into his hair was just the distraction she needed to hold down the emotions welling up in her throat.

“There is only one thing I don’t quite understand about all of this.” He said. “Why did you go to the trouble of dealing with the official records office a second time? They make the process of changing names so tedious…”

“My father convinced me to take my family name back… he said it would be better if I ever wanted to remarry… he begged me not to change it in the first place since he doesn’t have any sons to carry it on.” She allowed herself a small, soft laugh. Byakuya made an amused sound as well, though it could have just as easily been a signal of discomfort as the comb snagged on his hair.

* * *

This exchange, she feared, drifted too close to emotional attachment, too far from the original intent of their arrangement. Each day that passed chiseled that fear deeper towards an engraved certainty in her mind. So it didn’t worry her when he seemed to keep even more distance than usual. It didn’t worry her when weeks went by without him sparing her so much as a glance. She almost expected it as preparations began for a meeting of the family’s highest-ranking members. What worried her… was the weight in her chest that felt suspiciously like she missed him.

Sakiko was too shrewd, too disciplined in her emotions to do anything like fall in love with Lord Byakuya, no matter how much she cared for him. Growing comfortable with one another may one day make them friends, for lack of a better word, but no amount of physical intimacy would make them lovers. There were too many key differences between them, despite all the similarities Byakuya observed. None of which had anything to do with the obvious and permeating difference in their stations that wouldn’t allow it. No, the trouble wasn’t that they were in danger of falling in love. The trouble was that being together tested the lines of their emotions and it was dangerous.

“Sakiko?” The harsh whispered voice of the Head of Staff jolted her out of her thoughts.

“Yes ma’am?” She straightened.

“Shh, keep your voice down.” Masako waved frantically. “The meeting started.”

“Of course, I’m sorry.” Sakiko lowered her voice and bowed slightly.

“We need someone to serve the high lords tea. Can I count on you?” She asked tensely.

“Yes, but…” She fumbled. “That seems like an awfully important job to be leaving to a housekeeper. Wouldn’t it be better if you or at least Assistant Tanaka did it?”

“Oh, don’t be silly.” Masako said, thrusting a tea tray into her hands. “You’re much cuter than Tanaka and Lord Byakuya likes you more than me.” The comment was as innocent as any an employee would make about their boss, but it still left Sakiko in a cold sweat. In truth, all the higher members of the family had a tendency to favor her over Masako because she was _quiet._

In little more than a moment she was standing outside the painted doors of the formal dining room. The murmur of voices drifted out into the hall. Even through the walls there was an evident edge to some.

 _That’s good…_ Sakiko took a steadying breath. _If they’re arguing they’re less likely to notice me_. She eased the door open and slipped inside. A dozen noblemen sat around the long table and not one of them looked up as she entered.

“I don’t see why this is our responsibility all of a sudden.” One said bitterly.

“It has always been our responsibility.” Another argued. Sakiko passed like a ghost from one man to the next, silently placing a cup before each and filling it with tea. The debate raged on, but she couldn’t really understand what it was about. Money, as best as she could figure.

“I think your point is well understood, Lord Hideki.” Byakuya said, a note of tired frustration in his voice.

“Good, then we’re in agreement.” He sat back and took a satisfied sip from the cup Sakiko had only just filled.

“I never said we were in agreement.” Byakuya corrected. “I simply meant your position on the matter has been made abundantly clear.”

“Don’t tell me you agree with this fool.” Hideki gestured across the table to his primary opponent.”

“I didn’t say that either.” Byakuya pointed out more sharply. “Do you not understand that one can understand another’s position without sharing it, or are you being purposefully incendiary?”

“Wh-what?!” He choked. “Unbelievable, Lord Byakuya is practically silent all morning and when he finally chooses to speak, he insults me!”

“Who could speak effectively over your and Lord Takehiko’s incessant bickering?” He snapped. “You’ve managed to turn a straightforward issue into a personal squabble disguised as a philosophical debate.”

“Byakuya…” Lord Ginrei said warningly.

“Forgive me, my lords.” Byakuya’s most professional voice returned. “I’m afraid not myself today, and this conversation has become tedious.” Sakiko nearly dropped the kettle but managed to remain composed.

 _What the hell…?_ She tried to hurry through the rest of her task without being obvious. But if she didn’t get out of the room fast, maybe they wouldn’t notice her racing heart but someone was sure to notice her shaking hands. _What the hell?_ The hallway was thankfully empty. _He didn’t even know I was there. He didn’t mean it like that. He can’t have._ She told herself. _But what if he did? … Then he just effectively asked me to sleep with him in front of all the clan leaders._ She wanted to beat her head against the wall to shake the thought out.

“Oh, what do I do?” She rubbed her face. _I hate that the logistics are always my responsibility. Just once I wish he would have to worry about sneaking around while I wait._

Once her thoughts had time to settle, she decided to make sure she brought his evening tea and simply ask for clarification then. She imagined herself seductively delivering a line of “Are you still not yourself, my Lord Byakuya?” Of course, when she arrived at his room that night he wasn’t there.

“Of course.” She sighed, placing the tea tray on his desk. Still, she turned down the bed and swept the room for lingering dishes, of which she found none. _Should I wait? Leave a note?_ Neither option seemed particularly safe. They had never discussed the possibility of her not being able to come when he called. She considered laying out a sleeping robe for him, or some other subtle way of telling him she was there. Gingerly opening the wardrobe, she stood chewing her thumbnail and debating “What to do…”

Low voices came down the hallway outside. As they drew nearer she recognized Byakuya’s, and the other was quite possibly Lord Ginrei. Despite having a perfectly legitimate reason for being there, Sakiko panicked.

“… I have a draft on my desk.” As they drew near, she leapt into the wardrobe and snapped the doors shut. She heard the bedroom door slide open and both men enter. “Lord Hideki won’t like it, but that bothers me less after today.”

“In private, I’ll agree with you.” Lord Ginrei said. “But I suggest you get that smart mouth of yours under control before tomorrow.”

“Yes, grandfather.” He said, suddenly sounding tired.

“I’ll review this tonight and we can speak about it in the morning. Goodnight.” There were more footsteps, the door sliding again, the clack of dishes on the tea tray, then footsteps again. Sakiko tensed as they drew nearer and jumped when the wardrobe doors swung open.

“What the- Sakiko?” Byakuya exclaimed.

“I’m so sorry!” She burst, curling tighter into a ball. “You said you weren’t yourself and I didn’t know if you meant it that way but you probably didn’t even know I was there and I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have assumed. This is so out of line, I’m so-”

“Sakiko.” He stopped her gently. “Please get out of my wardrobe. You’re sitting on my kamishimo.”

“Of course.” She drew a deep breath and struggled to her feet.

“I didn’t notice at the time… It must have been you who served tea this afternoon.” He recalled, straightening the disorder her hiding caused inside the wardrobe.

“Yes.” She stared at her feet, unwelcome warmth spreading across her nose.

“It would be quite shocking if I said something like that with secondary intentions, don’t you think?” He continued, withdrawing a sleeping robe.

“Yes.” She repeated, cinching her eyes shut in shame.

“All the same… I’m glad you’re here.” The change in his tone was dramatic enough to draw her gaze up from the floor. It was as if she heard the ‘lord’ fall off of him, and he was just Byakuya once again. One arm snaked around her waist, jerking her towards him until she was pressed against his chest. “Today has been very stressful.”

 _You’re telling me…_ She wanted to say, but he didn’t give her the chance. He leaned down to lay a heavy kiss across her lips. His broad hand splayed across the small of her back and travelled up her spine. She wrapped her arms around him in turn, running her palms over the muscled expanse of his back.

“You’re so tense…” She observed. “Shall I rub your shoulders?”

“That would be wonderful.” He kissed her high on the cheekbone and whispered in her ear. “But I’m afraid I’ll fall asleep before we get to what I really need.”

“As you wish…” Her blush deepened.

“However, I would accept your help undressing…” He leaned away, allowing her unfettered access to untie his obi and slide the kimono from his shoulders. The glint in his eyes silently begged her continue, so she did the same to her own. The last detail he deigned to resolve himself, reaching up to pull the tie from her hair.

Turning, Byakuya paced her backwards to the bed where they all but fell onto the mattress. It was starting to feel familiar, his weight on top of her as his lips worked against hers. It was becoming a reflex to wrap her legs around his hips as they settled over hers. However, the anxious hum of her nerves at his touch she feared would never subside. Electricity jumped through her skin as he ran his hands up her curves. Her thighs, hips, ribs, and breasts sang out in turn, as if he was breaking her open with his fingertips.

“Hmm…” She shuddered as he pinched and pulled at her nipples, his hips grinding into her until his rapidly hardening member slid into the channel at the top of her slit. “Oh…!” She bucked into the sensation, pressing her clit against the underside of his shaft. The forced separation of their lips had him trailing kisses down her jaw to her neck.

“Mmm…” Byakuya groaned and set into a sort of thrusting motion to rouse more friction. With each pass the movement got smoother over the blooming wetness between her legs until it felt agonizingly similar to the real thing. Still he managed to continue teasing her nipples. Nerves fired from her static-clouded head to her curling toes. She was hypersensitive, tense, and robbed of her strength while her whole body vibrated with need. The dribble of fluid near her navel said it wasn’t bad for him either, as if his labored breathing wasn’t enough of a sign.

“Byakuya… please…” She panted, squirming her hips to encourage a different kind of movement.

“You’re ready?” The tremor in his voice as he breathed in her ear almost sent her over the edge. The slightest shift and he was poised at her entrance, set to slide inside.

“Yes…” She whined, closing her eyes and letting her legs fall open wider.

“Alright…” Finally he released her breasts, propping himself up on straightened arms to better watch her face.

“Oh…!” She bit her lip as he filled her in a single fluid stroke. Her eyes fluttered and she almost missed him making nearly the same face.

“Some day…” He grunted softly, falling into his slow and forceful rhythm. “Some day I want to hear what you sound like… when you don’t have to hold back.”

“I’d like that…” She agreed, stroking his forearms where they stood like pillars above her shoulders. “I want… to hear you too.” She turned to kiss the tender skin of his wrist and swore she saw the slightest blush grace his face. As if to hide it, he dropped to his elbows, burying his face against her neck. She held him there, wrapping her arms around him to match her already locked legs.

“You want to hear me?” He asked lowly.

“Yes…” She sighed.

“Fine then…” He nudged her face to one side and rested his forehead against the side of her head. The position meant every breath he took blew over her ear. Every so often he made a strained little choking sound, or a soft satisfied groan. Every single one made her stomach flip. They built the pressure in her core in uneven surges until she was too full with pleasure to tell the difference.

“Byakuya…” She moaned his name louder than she should have.

“Sakiko…” Her name sounded like a roar against her ear.

“Ahh… hmm…!” The tension swelled to a peak, stealing her ability to speak, or breathe, or even think.

“Look at me.” He ordered. “Sakiko, look at me.” Her eyes met his for an instant before they rolled back in her head.

“Ohhh…!” All that pressure released at once, leaving behind a throbbing torrent of pleasure that went on and on. His heavy strokes carried her through, solid and steady as her orgasm dissolved into sharp twitches. When his face came back into focus, the burning blush on his cheeks was pronounced and his lower lip was white from his biting down.

“Don’t look away…” He panted. “Just a little longer…” He only had a few deliberate thrusts left in him before he unwound too. His eyes faltered and lost focus but never left her face as he buried himself deep and shuddered his release. The kiss he pressed to her lips was full of satisfaction and gratitude… and remorse. “Thank you, Sakiko… for knowing what I needed before I did.”

“Don’t give me so much credit.” She smiled weakly.

“And I’m sorry… but you can’t stay here tonight.” He touched his forehead to hers. “The clan meetings resume very early… and I’m sure I won’t want to wake you when I have to leave.”

“I understand… you don’t have to explain yourself to me.” She assured him.


	7. While in Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A superfluous bathtub scene.

The clan meetings went on for several days. Sakiko still got roped in to serving tea, but there were no more dramatic misunderstandings. On the final day, they finished very late, well after dark. The noble lords took both their dinner and evening tea over their notes as they finalized their business. Sakiko was worried they’d run out of teacakes and have to call the chef back after going home. Thankfully, they adjourned before it was necessary.

She gathered the dirty dishes while the dining room emptied, the noble lords still muttering amongst themselves as the left. Byakuya was the last to go, lingering a few steps behind. He paused where their paths crossed. Not only did their eyes meet for possibly the first time outside his bedroom, but he held her gaze in an explicit gesture of recognition. Such a marked departure from the norm could only mean more than it appeared. Yet to anyone watching, it was nothing at all. She was most comfortable with this sort of request; the kind that didn’t require any words at all.

Nearly all the staff had been dismissed for the evening, so she was left to clean up largely alone. It was fine, though. It meant there were no eyes to follow her as she left the kitchen and headed for Byakuya’s chambers.  
The sound of running water caught her attention as she slipped through the door. Byakuya was standing at the desk, tied loosely in a sleeping robe. He appeared to be sorting his notes and documents from the past week.

“Good evening, Sakiko.” Their eyes met again, but his expression was much softer this time, unmarred by his lordly mask.

“Good even, Byakuya.” She fought the reflex to bow.

“I was about to take a bath.” He gestured to the bathroom door and the source of the sound. “Would you care to join me?” Her face prickled and burned, she had to look away but she managed a nod.

It was brighter than the main room of the suite. It made her feel more exposed as he undressed her, as if he could somehow see more than he did before. Though, she realized, they were running out of secrets between them. Hot steam battled the chills on her skin left by his touch. He helped her gingerly into the tub and positioned himself across from her.

It was snug. The tub was too small for Byakuya to straighten his long legs, now it was worse with her between them. The crystal clear water hid nothing and she felt oddly magnified under the surface. Thankfully he seemed distracted stroking her knees where they bent perfectly within his reach. Still, she couldn’t fight the urge to cross her arms over her chest.

He leaned his head back on the lip of the tub and sighed. Sakiko watched him curiously. She’d never seen him so relaxed, though she could hardly blame him for being relieved after such a stressful week. It simultaneously worried her and warmed her heart that she could have anything to do with his being so serene. She did her best not to think about it and focus on relaxing herself.

“I wanted to thank you again for visiting me the other day.” Byakuya said.

“Oh, don’t mention it.” Her blush immediately changed from shy pink to embarrassed red. Please. Don’t.

“It’s easy for me to forget myself and my needs. I forget the good physical release can do… but also when the conversations got tedious, I just had to think about what I could say that would make you fly off the handle again.” He smirked, a mischievous glint in his eye.

“Please stop.” She sank deeper into the water until it obscured her pouting lips. She didn’t realize she was bringing their hips closer together until it was too late. He made a soft, low sound like a tired laugh.

“I’m sorry, I won’t tease you any more.” He gave her knee a squeeze. “This week must have been stressful for you too.”

“Well, yes…” She admitted. “I’ve never had to serve tea like that before.”

“I could tell. But the other lords were too busy bickering I doubt anyone noticed.” He muttered.

“It’s a bit selfish of me, but I’m glad for that.” She half-smiled.

“Yes, I suppose I should be too, but… never mind.” He trailed off. There was an awkward silence filled only by the sound of water roaring from the faucet.

“You can… you can vent to me if it will help.” Sakiko offered. “I might not understand everything, but if it will make you feel better…”

“I appreciate that, but I’d rather not dwell on it.” The motion of his hands on her legs broadened, dipping under the water to caress her thighs. “Not when there are so many more pleasant things to think about.” Her ankles were more or less trapped between his torso and the tub’s porcelain walls. There was no escaping his touch as he traveled lower between her legs.

It made her heart race just to feel his fingertips on her skin. Seeing it through the rippling surface of the water only made it worse. So she shut her eyes and let her head drop back. Tense with anticipation, she almost jumped when he reached her crux and dipped his thumb into the top of her slit. Slowly, he rubbed up and down the whole length of her entrance, mapping her contours. Painstakingly deliberate but shallow movements awoke every nerve on and around her lower lips while those within throbbed for attention.

“I thought you said… you wouldn’t tease me anymore.” She said shakily.

“You look tired. We don’t have to do anything tonight.” The sly ring was back in his voice. “You don’t even have to stay if you don’t want to.”

“But… you’ve already started.” She reasoned, trying not to rock her hips forward.

“You’re right…” He ceded, resting his thumb on her clit and pressing down.

“But if this isn’t relaxing for you, I don’t have to continue.”

“It is…” She promised despite the tight furrow in her brow.

“If that’s the case…” He turned his wrist to allow two fingers to slide into her heat.

“Hmmm…!” This time she couldn’t help it, her legs tightened and pulled her whole body towards him, taking his fingers deep inside. Her hands flew to the edges of the tub for stability. Any security she felt was a trick of her mind, as this only put her more at his mercy. His fingers flexed in time with his thumb rubbing circles against her clit. Half-suspended in water as she was, the smallest movement gave him complete control.

“Originally, I thought it was possible to just use you, your body…” He was talking, but her mind wasn’t in a state to fully understand. The low rumble of his voice just added another layer to the sensations winding her up. “I underestimated how much your pleasure affected my own.”

“Byakuya…” She decided, despite all its drawbacks, she liked this change of setting. Not that she could pry her eyes open to see it. The constant noise of running water meant no one could hear them, and with one less thing to worry about she found herself slipping away all the faster. Heat and sensitivity crept through her body unnoticed at first under the weight of the hot bath water. As his attentions intensified, the water level danced across her breasts, the line burning and soothing, caressing her nipples like a lover’s mouth. Like he so rarely did, but she secretly wished he would do more. She remembered the night he asked her to seduce him, how he begged to feel her cum one more time while she straddled his lap, how much he seemed to enjoy the position and the access it granted him. That night, she suspected, was the beginning of this shift in his point of view.

A particularly precise curl of his fingers sent a jolt through her core. It must have shown on her face, because he did the same thing again and again. Her body contorted out of her control, some muscles tensing until they hurt while others stretched and relaxed.

“You’re close?” His voice cracked a bit over the words. She wasn’t sure if it was a question or an observation, like he thought so but wasn’t certain.

“So close…” Sakiko hardly recognized her own voice through the strain of being so near release. Something else pressed against her lower lips, throbbing and hot. New and more desperate sounds escaped her as his member replaced his fingers inside her. Both of his hands went to her hips, guiding her body with the help of the water, more or less pulling and pushing her along his length.

“S-so good…” He breathed. “Is it… is it still good for you?” She could only nod. What she couldn’t say was their rather unconventional angle had him reaching places that only brought her closer to the edge. She dared to open her eyes just a fraction, to see the place where their bodies came together so visibly. It made her stomach drop. It felt like her whole body went with it, falling and twisting. With a snap, it all came back up. It overflowed, triggering a cascade of pleasure through her core. Byakuya pulled her through it, holding a steady rhythm that kept her going on and on.

As the tension slowly uncoiled, she sank back into the water, not realizing how much she’d curled up until it reached her chin. She kept hold of the rim of the tub, though not so desperately. It kept her steady and supported while he continued working her back and forth on his shaft. Her eyes flicked upwards to find his fixed on her, glazed and hungry. Her stomach flipped again, but this time it dissipated through her body, leaving her feeling weaker, like she herself was turning to liquid in his hands.

The longer he went on, all her gradually rebuilding pleasure sensations turned into the same. Like sparks fanning through her muscles but failing to charge and tighten them again. It was its own kind of ecstasy, one quiet and serene and relaxed. Byakuya, it seemed, was not feeling this same tranquility. His eyes drifted shut as his brow knitted in hard lines. His breathing grew shallow, peppered with small choked moans. She felt his legs tighten and twitch as his hands squeezed her hips, fingers sinking in to her soft flesh. The languid motion of drawing her to him became choppy, punctuated by his hips thrusting up to meet hers.

“You’re close?” She ventured. He bit his lip in response. “What can I do?” He opened his mouth as if to answer, but no sound came out. After a few tries, he gave up, clenching his teeth until his jaw visibly flexed. Suddenly his strokes were uneven, out of sync. Then it all ended in a sharp forward yank, buried in his entirety while his abs and legs continued to spasm.

He was still for a long moment before he released her with a long exhale. Her skin prickled where he held her. Their bodies separated, leaving a cloudy trail between them.

“I suppose that means we should get out.” Byakuya said. “Perhaps I should have been less eager so we could have enjoyed our bath a bit longer.”

“We’ll just have to know better for next time.” She responded without thinking.

“Next time…” He helped her out of the tub and retrieved a pair of towels. He wrapped one around her, followed by his arms. “Hmm… yes.” There was something like a decision in his voice that she couldn’t quite decipher. But he leaned into a kiss so deep that she easily forgot to try.


	8. Clouded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An equally superfluous onsen scene.

It surprised no one when following the stressful week of clan meetings, Lord Byakuya planned a personal trip to an onsen resort. The hot spring frequented by the Kuchiki clan was a few hours from the manor. Far enough for peace, but not too far for emergencies. Members of the family visited this particular onsen often enough that a private house was built separate from the resort, allowing privacy without compromising access to facilities.

Each time he travelled, Byakuya took three staff members with him: Nobutsune (his assistant, who went everywhere with him,) whichever chef was available on duty, and a housekeeper. It was a sought after shift, to be sure. Byakuya was relatively low maintenance on these trips and those attending him were allowed to spend their time how they liked at the onsen while not performing their duties. In an effort to be fair, Byakuya usually specified the chef and housekeeper by name so there could be no argument amongst the staff, and he rotated somewhat regularly. If he was ever choosy about his selection it was in an effort to avoid those who annoyed him more than to show favoritism.

So it alarmed no one when he requested Sakiko accompany him on this particular trip. In fact, it was not her first time travelling with him. Though it was the first since the start of their “arrangement.” She and the chef, Rokuro, were sent a day ahead of time to see that the house was clean and stocked in preparation for his arrival.

Sakiko sighed and stretched her back. The house had not been visited in some time, as evidenced by the layer of dust on everything. Getting things into Noble Shape had been more of an undertaking than she expected.

“I’m through in the kitchen until Lord Byakuya arrives.” Rokuro poked his head into the room she was cleaning. “I’m heading across the road now, are you ready to leave?”

“Oh, no I need to finish a few more things here.” She tried not to sound nervous. There had been no discussion between her and Byakuya prior to the trip, so she wasn’t certain of his expectations. She thought it best that she should be there when he arrived.

“Alright then, have a good evening.” He waved absently, clearly more interested in the potential activities of the onsen than her plans.

 _Good_. She thought. _The more fun he’s having the less he’ll notice me._ She’d hardly got back into the flow of cleaning when the front door swung open again.

Nobutsune came in ahead of a road-weary Byakuya, carrying what light luggage the lord had brought.

“Next time I’ll send you ahead with the others and flash step here myself.” Byakuya grumbled.

“I’m sure that won’t be necessary, my Lord.” Nobutsune soothed. “I’ll be sure to get a more experienced driver next time.”

“Yes. Please.” There was some commotion in the foyer and main room, but Sakiko couldn’t see either of them. Invisible as she was, she returned to the cleaning. She overheard them discuss some logistics and Byakuya gave Nobutsune a list of tasks and errands to complete by the end of the day. Then he came into the room she was working in as she was midway through dressing the bed.

“You’re not finished yet?” He asked shortly.

“My apologies, Lord Byakuya.” She straightened and bowed, finding it hard not to let the edge in his voice affect her.

“You can finish later.” He waved a hand absently at the room and motioned for Nobutsune to put his luggage on the table. “When you bring tea this evening. Please fetch the chef in the meantime.”

“Of course, my Lord Byakuya.” She bowed again and hurried out, shifting in her kimono in an attempt to dispel the discomfort pressing on her chest.

* * *

Her room in the main onsen complex was small, and the simple dinner she ate alone didn’t offer her much to think about other than to chase her thoughts in circles trying to convince herself that Byakuya was in no way displeased with her specifically.

 _He was stressed and uncomfortable. If he had spoken softly to me it would have been suspicious._ The logic made sense but her chest still hurt. She watched the clock and the sunset out her window by turns, trying to guess at when Byakuya would finish his own meal and send the others away so she could fulfill the charade of bringing evening tea. She found herself dreaming of simpler circumstances, some fantasy world where she could simply sit and eat with him. Even if it was a meal she had to cook herself, even if there were no servants about to make anything easier. In fact, that would be so much easier.

It was when she heard Rokuro’s booming laugh in the hallway that she finally decided to move. The volume at which he was talking to one of the onsen staff indicated that he’d already indulged in a bottle or two of his favorite leisure activity. If he wasn’t careful he’d wind up late preparing breakfast in the morning.

The short walk from the main building across the street to the private house brought her mind to ease. They would be alone soon, and there would be no need to question his words or his actions, and that would be comforting even if they were harsh.

Inside the house was very quiet. No one was in the main living areas, but she assumed Byakuya would be easy enough to find when she needed to. All the dishes were in the sink. She put the kettle on and set to washing up while it heated. Another fantasy crept into her mind around the mindless work of scrubbing, rinsing, and drying. For a moment she pretended this was her house. Their house. These were her dishes and she was making evening tea for them to share. That hurt too, when she caught herself, perhaps more than the uncertainty. It hurt because it was so far outside the realm of possibility she couldn’t begin to tell if it was something she truly wanted.

An initial sweep of the house bore virtually no sign of Byakuya. When opening the bedroom door found it empty as well she stopped in the doorway, tea tray in hand, puzzled. There wasn’t anywhere she could imagine he would have gone. That was the whole point of this trip. Then in dawned on her. Squinting through the open patio doors into the dusk she spied a figure reclining in the water.

The private house, of course, had a private pool fed by the hot springs so the visiting lords could enjoy the benefits in peace and without hassle. The edge of this private bath was only a few yards off the short wooden deck that surrounded the house. Sakiko shuffled out of her socks, albeit with some difficulty as her hands were full, and stepped barefoot from the planks to the stone pavers.

“Good evening, Lord Byakuya.” She said pleasantly and knelt to place the tray at his elbow.

“Good evening, Sakiko.” He responded softly, turning his head to look up at her. His hair was pulled back to keep it away from the water. “Do we need to review your honorifics over our tea?” His demeanor was completely different from before. The hot springs had done their job and drained the tension from him.

“I’m sorry… Byakuya, no, that won’t be necessary.” Her weight settled uncomfortably. Not all of the pavers were smooth or level. Byakuya reached for his tea cup and paused.

“You only brought one cup?” He asked as if she’d ever brought more than one.

“Yes?” She said uncertainly.

“Oh.” He sounded disappointed. “I had hoped we could… never mind.” He buried the comment with a long sip of tea. Sakiko shifted awkwardly, as much from the hard surface as the silence. “Are you not going to join me, then?” He placed the cup back on the tray.

“Huh?!” She squeaked.

“Have my intentions been somehow unclear?” He asked. Her heart and mind raced.

“N-no I suppose not.” She felt dense. There was only one reason he would have brought her along, one so obvious that there should have been no need for discussion. Yet she let her uncertainties get the better of her.

“Have I made you uncomfortable again?” His voice suddenly lost much of its weight.

“No, it’s fine.” She fumbled to her feet and then with her obi.

“Actually, if you wouldn’t mind…” Byakuya indicated the edge of his peripheral vision and the hard turn his neck made to look at her. “Where I can see you?” She swallowed down her heart as it attempted to jump through her throat.

A few paces brought her a quarter of the way around the pool and clearly in his line of sight. Her eyes were adjusting now too and she could see the nuances of his posture, if not the expression on his face, and the thin curls of steam rising off the water. Even standing outside like this she felt less exposed than she had in his bathroom the previous week. She used that point of reference to give herself confidence as she slipped out of her clothes. Then she folded them neatly, toeing the line of what he might perceive as teasing versus stalling. Out of the corner of her eye she saw him shift tensely in his seat as she bent over to place her bundle on the ground a safe distance from the pool.

The water prickled her skin as she stepped down onto the wide bench that ran the perimeter of the pool. She did her best to be graceful despite stepping blindly into cloudy water in the dark in an unfamiliar place. She managed the second step down to the floor of the pool with only a slight stumble. The water came up to her navel as she closed the short distance to where Byakuya sat. He was leaned against the edge of the pool, arms draped along the lip with water up to his mid chest. Now she was uncertain again. Was she meant to sit beside him… or on him? Tired of second guessing herself, she chose the latter, using his own shoulders for balance as she invited herself comfortably into his lap. The pool seemed suspiciously well designed for this. Up close she could see the slight upward turn at the corners of his mouth, the softness in his eyes. Her hands pressed flat against the broad planes of his chest.

“Testing me, are you?” He asked, adjusting his legs to be comfortable under her weight. “I did promise you we could actually enjoy our bath this time.” Her cheeks felt hot, but not from the water.

That’s what he meant? Just how long has be been planning this? She wondered, but decided she didn’t actually want to know. “Should I sit on the other side, then?” She teased, deciding he deserved any sass she felt bold enough to throw.

“Certainly not.” His arms descended into the water rest on her thighs and potentially prevent any attempts at escape. “This makes it much better, don’t you think?” The contact made her more aware of their position and more heat rose up the column of her spine.

“Yes…” She found herself leaning forward, closing the narrow gap between their faces. He angled smoothly into the kiss, hands sliding up her hips as it deepened. They stole short breaths between turns, trading flicks of their tongues over increasingly swollen lips. It was the longest kiss she’d had in her life, stretching on and on as if they were meant to keep going until their skin pruned.

Byakuya’s hands slid over her submerged skin, keeping awake nerves that may have faded to rest in the penetrating heat. His fingertips tickled the sensitive skin high on the backs of her thighs, teasing as if searching for the line where it would be considered her inner thighs instead. It made her twitch, nearly jump further up his lap and harder against his chest. He took mercy on her and withdrew one hand. Really it was less than merciful as he reached for the crux of her so pointedly spread legs.

“Would you permit me to… disrupt you just a little?” He broke away just enough to ask, the breath of his speech still caressing her lips.

“Of course.” She replied somewhat less steadily. Their mouths came back together harder than before. Two fingers stroked her lower lips, teasing long past what was necessary to re-familiarize himself with her contours. Surely this he meant to do until their skin pruned.

Finally he pressed one fingertip into her folds, a single knuckle, moving languidly, barely inside her. A small whimper of frustration escaped her, and she added the tiniest nip of her teeth against his lower lip. As she moved her hand threateningly lower he was suddenly no longer content with this torment and worked his finger to a more satisfactory depth. A few testing strokes and he added another, his long digits stretching and soothing the ache he created. His thumb fell to its proper place against her clit, ensuring she didn’t feel any further need to drag him along.

Softer, more contented sounds came from her throat, which soon turned tense again as he wound her steadily higher. His other hand, still curved around her backside, gently encouraged her hips to rock along, correcting any shortcomings in his angle or pace. There was little to correct. They were learning each others’ bodies to pinpoint accuracy. As demonstrated by the rapidly rising tension in her core.

Before she realized it she was pulling out of the kiss, too in need of air and wholly unable to concentrate. She wanted to bury her face in his neck, to moan against his skin, but some part of her at least remembered how he always asked to see her face. So she bit her lip and stayed as upright as possible, as far as she could tell at least. The night seemed to tilt and spin around her. The release came in a rush, flaring through her core until the water felt almost cool to her skin. Her whole body trembled as she fought to contain the cry of pleasure bursting in her chest. In the end she was forced to surrender a low, quavering moan.

Quite suddenly the water felt hot again as her nerves settled and her head cleared. She blinked away the remaining spots of light in her vision. Byakuya, for some reason, looked disappointed as his hands returned to their starting positions on her thights.

“Is something the matter?” Her stomach tried to sink, but there was still too much lightness below it and instead she just sort of felt nauseous.

“No, it’s nothing. Or rather…” He half turned his head away, searching for the right words. “I suppose I had hoped that… since we’re not in any particular danger of being overheard…” He trailed off pointedly.

“… _oh_.” Her hands went to her mouth in realization. It seemed he planned for them to fulfill all of their promises on this trip. “Could I… there must be some way for me to make it up to you.” She feigned. At this, he brightened despite himself.

“I would expect nothing less.” He said, measured as ever. Then he stood, lifting her with him, lifting her straight from the pool and towards the house, barely remembering to snatch the towels from the bench as he went.

Byakuya ran the towel over her just until she wasn’t dripping into the house. He didn’t even seem to put her down until he deposited her on the bed. In the short moment before he descended on her, she looked up at him, tall, imposing, shimmering with the stubborn remnants of water on his skin. Her eyes fell, through no fault of her own, to the detail that made her stomach flip excitedly. In the light she could see how fully and painfully erect he was.

Then he was on top of her, a hungry kiss pushing her back into the mattress. His hands raked down her body to her hips, jerking them into alignment. They continued down her legs, hitching them high around his hips. He hesitated for a moment, his tip pressed against her entrance. The muscles of his arms quivered from how badly he wanted to thrust into her at full strength. But he let out a steadying sigh and eased in. There was little friction, but he was still a stretch compared to his fingers. Sakiko let herself over-affect her initial sigh of pleasure.

After that she didn’t need to affect anything at all. He drove into her with such targeted force; her already blazing nerves were driven to new heights.

“Haahh…! Byakuya…!” She moaned, pleasure seeping further through her core with each thrust. He dropped one arm aside her head, steadying himself while the other kept a cutting grip in her thigh. Her hands braced against his chest, fingers curling until her nails dug in. She so wanted to see his face, to know that this was as good as he’d hoped, but keeping her eyes open was quite impossible. Her whole face contorted around the cries he pulled from her, and she took comfort from the urgency in his hips. But she wanted more. There was no way to know when they’d have another chance like this.

“You… you promised me too…” She managed before a particularly potent wave drew out a long, keening sigh.

“I did… didn’t I?” He said with considerably more effort. The change in his volume that followed wasn’t as drastic as hers, but it was still enough to send excited fluttering into her chest. He was breathing hard, struggling to take even breaths around the groans he couldn’t control. She was torn between reigning in her own in order to better hear his and keeping her word.

In truth she didn’t have much of a choice. All that heat grew dense, stiff between her muscles a she wound up a second time. Her sounds got higher, shorter, tight as the need for release closed her throat. Byakuya only got louder, as close to moaning as he was capable.

They shared a staggered gasp for air as their release unwound together. His last forceful thrust faltered, stuttering to a stop buried in her heat. Residual twitches continued all through her inner walls as the rest of their bodies relaxed bit by bit.

He rolled off to one side, both of them panting, misted now in sweat rather than spring water.

“If only it could be like that every time.” He said with a smile in his voice.

“Hmm… If only…” Sakiko half laughed, imagining the scandalized looks around the manor if anyone therein ever got that loud.

“Thank you… as always.” He found one of her hands with his and raised it to his lips.

“Of course…” She said softly, the silent ‘my lord’ creeping in at the end again. He used his hold on her hand to pull her closer, pressing their bodies close together, craving contact more than relief from the heat. Before long, they both drifted off into heavy sleep.

* * *

Sakiko awoke with a start the next morning, heart racing at the sight of bright sunlight out the patio doors.

“What’s the matter?” Byakuya mumbled sleepily, reaching over to pat her leg.

“I can’t still be here!” She reminded him. “Rokuro should be here already.” Her eyes darted around the room for something to throw on at least until she could retrieve her clothes from outside.

“You mean the chef? I gave him the morning off.” He sat up slightly, hair tousled and half fallen out of the ponytail he forgot to remove. “I told him I wanted to sleep in.”

“Oh…” She sank back a little. “I suppose that explains why he was drinking so much.”


	9. When I Am (Knot) Myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byakuya has a lot of mixed feelings surrounding Rukia's wedding. Sakiko wishes she could do more to help.

The manor was so much in its usual mode that Sakiko went about her day almost without noticing. Rooms were cleaned, meals were served, and laundry was folded with hardly a thought. She carried a stack of Byakuya’s clothes to his room and bowed her entry, barely registering his presence. Crossing the room to the wardrobe, she put the items away, each neatly in its place. She was every bit as invisible as she was meant to be, until his voice pulled her dizzyingly back to consciousness.

“… Sakiko?” He blinked and stared as if he’d just noticed her.

“Yes, my Lord Byakuya?” She closed the wardrobe and turned toward him.

“Forgive me, but… could I talk to you about something?” He looked utterly lost, his eyes glazed. “I’m afraid… I’m not sure I have anyone else to turn to in this matter.”

“Is something wrong?” She tried not to let the rush of concern show on her face.

“No. No… quite the contrary.” The smallest of smiles graced the corners of his mouth. “It seems… my sister is getting married.”

“Lady Rukia?” She gasped happily. “That is good news. Has there been an announcement?”

“No, not yet.” He turned his gaze back out the door. “She and her future husband asked for my permission just this morning.”

“What happy news.” She was excited for them, but she knew Byakuya wasn’t the type to be so overjoyed he was unable to contain a secret, even one as grand as this. “Yet you seem… hesitant?” That wasn’t the word, but she couldn’t find one for the cloud hanging over him.

“This will be the first wedding I have attended since my own…” His eyes narrowed by the slightest degree.

“I see…” She felt as if she’d been punched in the chest. That cloud, it seemed, was Lady Hisana’s ghost haunting him once again. All the joy he must be feeling, shadowed by the continued pain of his loss. And maybe even… some guilt? Some unwanted feeling of selfishness?

“You have been an invaluable confidante these past few years.” He continued heavily. “I suppose I hoped… you would have some more of that uncanny insight of yours.”

“Oh…” Suddenly her throat got tight. “While it’s true my sister got married some time after I lost my husband, but… I can’t say how you’re going to feel… or how you should.” Their eyes met again and held in a long, meaningful stare.

* * *

Sakiko, ever one to bury her feelings, had thrown all of her attention into planning and perfecting her own sister’s wedding. It seemed Byakuya chose a similar coping mechanism. She didn’t see him much at all over the following weeks. He and Nobutsune were constantly running back and forth, holding meetings and writing letters in preparation for the upcoming ceremony. The only words they exchanged were his hurried instructions for her to retrieve his kuromontsuki from storage, despite him telling Nobutsune with the same breath to arrange from him to have new garments made.

In this time, she had more opportunity to reflect than she wanted. It seemed that after this amount of time that felt at the same time like an eternity and an instant, they were approaching the plateau she had predicted. “Invaluable confidante” he called her. So they were as much secret friends as secret lovers. She would never get used to the anxiety caused by sneaking around, but that was probably for the best. It kept her from being careless and making a disastrous mistake. But at least she felt the amount of anxiety caused by _Byakuya_ while they were behind closed doors was minimizing.

Unsurprisingly, she was not among the few invited to attend the ceremony proper, though she had plenty of duties to perform throughout the day. Once everyone of importance was off to the shrine, she was one of a few left at the banquet hall, silently finalizing the details there. She was somewhat shocked to learn that Byakuya allowed the groom to choose what amounted to a bar for the banquet, but clearly the compromise was that the Kuchiki staff would still run the event. With such a reduced size of party and venue, there was little to do but straighten place settings.

Her mind swam with no linear pattern amongst memories of her own wedding years ago, of her sisters, much more recent, of Byakuya and Hisana’s wedding, and thoughts of what this, Rukia’s wedding, must be like for him. It would be much harder for him, she thought. Rukia looked so like her late sister that seeing her in a wedding gown was sure to cause him grief to compete with his joy. What she didn’t know, could never know, was which won out in his heart. For her, for everyone, for the rest of his life he would wear that stoic mask. No matter how many years passed, no depth of confidence or comfort of physical intimacy would break it.

This last train of thought didn’t make her particularly sad. In fact, she felt sort of braced by it; comforted that no matter how the world changed around them, her Lord Byakuya would remain the same.

The banquet was a lively affair. The bride and groom had several friends from the World of the Living who were quite noisy when they stood together. Sakiko travelled amongst the tables collecting dishes between the many courses, often untouched as the guests got up to socialize. She collected far more empty sake glasses and bottles as the night went on. The noise level rose, guests moved around more, and it got harder to keep up. They found increasingly more creative places to leave cups and she had to dart to and fro to keep everything looking to standard.

As she passed behind the head table, Byakuya held up his hand passively for her attention. He was surrounded by people who all seemed to be engrossed in their own conversations. Not that it seemed to bother him. He wore a faint smile and the unmistakable flush of mild intoxication. She lowered her head for him to speak into her ear, and to all who saw them it was an unremarkable exchange. The master of the party requested something from a convenient server, as he had done several times throughout the night. But rather than ask her to pull out another bottle of the good sake, or replenish some popular dish on the snack table, he simply whispered

“Be in my bed when I get home tonight,” as if it were the same class of request. She nodded as if it were and continued with her work.

* * *

The usual rhythm of the manor was so disrupted by the wedding that she didn’t need to bother with pretense. The air through the whole house was quiet, content, if not tired. When asked by another unlucky late-shift servant in the hall, she simply said she “had to take care of a couple things” after the party, and carried on.

It was unclear how much later Byakuya would be. She doubted he would go to any after party but couldn’t guess what other arrangements he would be working at behind the scenes. So she turned down the lights, lit a cone of incense, and prepared to rest.

He slid the door open just as she was sliding off her clothes. She glanced at him over her shoulder and deliberately slowed her movements. He tilted his head admiringly as he watched, unwavering until she had folded the last of her clothes and set them aside.

“Could you do that for me as well?” He opened his arms in gesture to the formal garment he was wearing.

“Of course.” She smiled sweetly. Taking one side of the first layer in each hand, she slid it down his broad shoulders. In that slight lean forward, his lips found her temple in the softest whisper of a kiss. The layers came off one by one and she arranged them on the rack in a perfect crisp echo of when he wore them. Each one interrupted by his increasingly fervent kisses. On her brow, her cheek, her neck, and her shoulder. He was worse as she detangled and removed the kenseikan from his hair. Her fingertips brushed his skin as she pulled the last thin kimono down and his final kiss landed crooked across her lips. His hands found her hips, squeezing, digging his thumbs in beside her hipbones as he backed her toward the bed.

Unfortunately he failed the timing, miscalculated somehow, and they fell. The overstuffed futon saved them from any damage, but they still landed hard. They knocked heads, knees, and the breath from their lungs. The puff of air sent the silks dancing.

“Forgive me.” Byakuya buried his face in the crook of her neck, disguising what may have been a laugh in his voice. “It seems we’ve fallen for each other after all.”

“You’re drunk.” She tried not to giggle.

“Perhaps. A little. All the same I am less myself tonight than I have ever been.” He smiled enough to show a flash of his teeth.

“… That isn’t true.” Her smiled faded. She tucked a strand of hair behind his ear in hopes of distracting him from the change. It didn’t work. He felt the chill as much as she did.

“Ah. Yes.” He admitted. “I do like to pretend our first didn’t happen like that.”

“Is that so?” She raised her eyebrows. “What is it you imagine instead?”

“I imagine… that I was captivated by your elegance, your dignity, your grace…” He kissed her collar, separating each word with a pluck of his lips against her skin, each one lower, deeper between her breasts. “That I seduced you into my arms slowly, despite our misgivings… in order fight off this loneliness we share.” He stopped just above her navel and looked up at her, his dark, dilated eyes searched hers. “I wish I could confess I had always seen you… tonight feels like the perfect night for such things.” There was a long silence in which her face showed her sympathy clearly, but she didn’t know what she could say. Their beginning was not ideal. Nothing about their arrangement was ideal. But she couldn’t say she wasn’t glad for it. He seemed to give up the train of thought, shifting his focus between her legs instead. His warm breath against her skin there made her legs and her senses half numb.

“You didn’t see me until you needed to.” She combed her fingers into his hair. The last coherent sound she made was a sharp draw of breath as his tongue dipped in to her folds. It wasn’t fair to say that the sake made him sloppy, more like it made him lazy. Long, languid strokes of his tongue left her burning, squirming in want of more. But he hardly seemed to notice he was teasing, too busy savoring the taste of nectar from her soft, warm petals. He might have gone on all night if his jaw muscles hadn’t protested.

Wiping his mouth on the back of his hand, he raised himself up just enough to meet her gaze again. He crept back up to her level, his body sliding smoothly over hers. Then he dropped to his side, deftly maneuvering her until her back rested against his chest. His lower arm tucked under her neck, elevating her head so he could more comfortably kiss the soft skin below her ear and allowing his hand convenient access to her breast. His other hand worked in time with his knee, which pushed between her legs, opening her until she felt him, hard and quivering against her lower lips.

“Hmm…” Byakuya nuzzled against her neck, kneaded her flesh in each hand, and pushed inside. The angle made her feel full even if he couldn’t fully sheath inside her, and the friction made her aching nerves sing. They made mutually contented noises as he rocked shallowly against her. His kisses grew more intense against the back of her neck, sending sparks up and down her spine.

“Byakuya…” She restricted her voice to a whisper, clutched his wrist and directed it from her thigh to where she needed him more. Two fingers worked against her clit, mixing all the heat and tension into a quiet frenzy in her core. Her muscles tightened until her whole body was rigid but for the involuntary rocking her hips saw fit to follow.

After the initial gasp of her release, she buried her face against his arm to stifle any accidental additions. Tremors cycled through her core, triggered again and again by his continued rhythm. He made such a pleased little moan she was sure he had followed. But it seemed she’d only lit some hidden store of energy in him.

He kept pushing forward in his eagerness, rolling her from her side to her stomach until his weight was full over her back. The change lost them none of the sensation, in fact it provided far more leverage. Each thrust forced a small breath from her lungs that she tried to bury in the nearest pillow. His fingers ran through her hair, his palm pressing her head against his.

“Sakiko… ah…” His voice trembled with restraint. “You deserve so much more… than I can give you… but please… let me keep trying…” Her mind was too clouded by bliss to fully understand, but still she managed to reply.

“As long as you need me… I’m here…” My Lord Byakuya…


End file.
